i'm sorry, i do not feel good too but i have to do this
or things would be even more unfair for you 3:32 PM

i've tried my best though i had my friend's warning, i guess i should put a full stop here and shall have no regrets 10:09 AM

haha... i would like to share the most incredible sleeping method that i ever had... my colleagues asked me for a k-box singing session and we had the latest timing package which is 11pm onwards.. they ordered chivas and i had a little of the alcohol... after which, they went to had supper when it was like 3pm... i did not want to go as i was feeling so tired but i went eventually after their persuasions ... as we had some food they were chatting.. and in front of the food i fell asleep... they woke me up... and in total, i doze off twice at a catering environment similar to a dimsum coffeeshop.. 11:22 AM

All the hurts are still there .. i'm biting my lips and tongue to prevent tears from flowing and live through each day..
there wasn't anybody when i try to find one to share .. when they'r finally back, i do not see the need anymore... the hurt that are sketched have been craved on to be another history.. 8:48 AM

i'm pain... really very pain inside.. right now i do not even feel like seeing blood for i do not feel it helps anymore... i'm afraid, i do not want to end up in the state.. someone, someone be there pls.. i want to go out, or a busy job.. wadever.. to stop thinking... 9:47 AM

i'm feeling more and more terrible... r all these a prank.. i'm trying, to pull myself to be stronger.. and why does things have to just continue to be more difficult with such short period.. what are these i'm scare trying to leave, but afraid... bloody idiot 6:30 PM

guys are just a bunch of selfish cowards... running away and leaving you alone when problems occur... whether will you survive or not.. its your own problem.. for their very own happiness is much more important than whether you survive through the sufferings.. 7:03 PM

i dunno wad more can i say
i'm very pain .. very very pain...
so pain, i dunno.. so pain until i can hardly feel anything now
feeling so empty.. so scare.. so alone

i can feel nothing, but i can cry anytime.. anytime u wan me to
i'm really really am feeling so weak
who will be there??
i can't see 9:19 PM

y people stops me from doing it by their mouths and not by their actions..
people asks me to stop, scolds me to stop me, ignores me..
but little do i feel the love
i'm feeling scare
i'm feeling more down
how many would know tt i'm doing all these to replace CS

i cannot do it and i'm feeling so bad
i'm feeling so trapped, v xinku 9:14 AM

maybe,
being not exactly very xinfu is not that bad...
it gives us an excuse to leave to find xinfu,
allows us to have new choices...

and when we leave and realise that we do not have to go through all those... we will be able to feel xinfu and may be less complacent...
and perhaps then, we will not be unable to feel the presence of xinfu for we've been through sufferings and may even treasure it better.. 1:55 PM

1:02 AM

i'm feeling so sick about myself... super super sick.. just outta control.. i hate myself hate hate hate!! i hate everything... i don wish to treat u this way... i'm really sorry really... but i feel that i will hate anything but i will not hate u and coco also..

my fren asked, is he treating me good.. i will say he is not good, he hurts people occasionally, and would see nothing's wrong about it... but i will still feel he is great.. coz he is trying and he would not do big things for me (big things in the eyes of others), but he will do small things (in the eyes of others) for me and to me, all these things are big... i could feel how real are the things he is doing, i love him, but this sickening me is making him suffering... Arghhhh... bloody amanda 1:13 PM

i'm not good enough... i guess i'm not patient enough towards him... but i'm not giving up... i will continue to try no matter how hard... sorry dear.. i know u don like sorries... but it's not easy n i will continue to jiayou.. for you dear ~ 9:28 AM

does he really love me?? 12:44 AM

my test, my exam, my perfomance...

i'm trying to give my best... but my stomach is so pain and i saw things that i shouldn't see...
i'm so hurt... i dunno how to carry on... am i asking too much 8:28 PM

i'm scare... v scare 1:24 AM

kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me 1:24 AM

This is my darling whom everybody knows...

Always there when i'm stress with my studies .. projects .. burining midnight oil

She'll always be there whenever she could

As time pass ..

I only have to sit in front of my laptop and she would be somewhere around me for she thought that i'm busying with my school stuff again

Whenever i'm so stress .. Whenever i needed her to hug and accompany me when i'm too stress,

All i need to do is to turn my head around
and always without fail, she would be somewhere within my vision..

With just a call of her name, she would wake up and walk slowly towards me with that little bit strength and consciousness of hers after being woke up by me suddenly

That is why i'm loving her so much .. with that little bit of her ability, without being able to do alot or give me alot she is the one who gives me comfort when nobody is giving me when i needed

And that is also when she as a dog, let me feel how important i am to her where no human could really let me feel that way

3:53 PM

Terrible mood is at the peak
Wanna have music to accompany me through
IPod is in my hears 24/7
My recorded song came by
Upon hearing my own voice
My day got worse 12:44 PM

When someone leaves me ... i would always think about my faults ... i would find them ... but as time pass .. sometimes i will realise they left me when i need them ... and one day , if they would like to have me back , i am feeling difficult 4:53 PM

you wanted me to be with you,
and you left me with the psychiatrist ... 5:53 PM

Please stop scolding me... 12:43 PM

noone knows that i'm trying
only you know
if ur not sure if ur the one,
ur definately not

only she knows
Thank you 1:13 PM

i didn't realise the power of blades
until it finally landed on the side of my wrist
it was like a long cut from a piece of paper
only very little blood flowed out

this time it was in the middle of my wrist
but i do not feel any pain this time
and blood just flow this time
it flows from my wrist to my palm
then to my last finger
this is the first time i'm seeing blood flowing non stop
i just felt relieved and enjoyed looking at the flowing of the blood
slowly ... my hands are so cold 11:43 AM

transfer the pain ...
and everything shall be alright ... 10:55 PM

when do u know someone's yours
it is when u see urself in the person's heart 12:08 PM

when i hint something, plz take note
when i say something seriously, plz listen
because ...
when i stop,
it means i've accepted it, i've given up
.. and shall not be bothered anymore 10:05 PM

haiz... can't slp... woke up so early... ahhh... v scare.. i'll be having my test lata... am always trying hard on my pitching .. but .. still am so weak in it .. haiz

i really love to sing, but.. i'm like spending too much time on the simplest thing .. so sian.... errrr.. so tired.. 8:41 AM

there'r a lot of things i wanna say ... how do i express
there'r a lot of things i fear ... how do i conquer
there'r a lot of things i kept within me ... who can i share
there's this thing i'm always searching for it ... how do i find 1:10 PM

what is love ..
is it an excuse to get attention ..
is it a replacement for selfishness ..
is it something that is expressed only when everything seems to be perfect .. when one is in good mood ..
when is love truly love .. 12:44 AM

juz came home from ros's hse... ros brought me to CHC with her fren ... we took some pics there... the candle thing was so beautiful...



after tt i went home n my father brought me n my bro to my aunt's hse.. they had a big turkey .. salad .. soup .. puddings .. sushi .. n lotza lotza food... (^-^)..

i ate half of the turkey.. (^o^)ohhh.. oppsx... i tink dunno how many pounds i'm gonna gain..

den headed to ros's hse again .. yunting joined us too... we watched movie from the small screen of the laptop n slept at her hse.. the next day shandy n suyu joined us.. we had a really hearty chocolate dipped on marshmallow .. so full *blueh*.. after tt we had another movie together.. n tml gonna go out for dinner with my family members n my uncle again.. .. food food food... 7:39 PM







10:49 AM

people who i like n love .. i've tried to treasure them .. if they do not see it, there's nothing i can do..

can i blame them.. ? probably not, .. i guess i'm not a nice person after all..

truly .. i was fed-up... but the thing that supported this fed-up was sadness.. 11:43 PM

i juz feel like shouting lor.. i hate everything.. everything juz suddenly don seem to be right.. sometimes i juz feel like shout n cry it all out.. but it's useless so wad for.. actually i'm waiting.. waiting for the day when everything will go back to how it use to be again.. or.. probably i perfer my current situation and not to face it at all.. i dunno.. i'm tired of taking the initiatives .. explaining.. sick of it..

y am i always being compared .. y i cldn't love the person i'm physically closest with.. i juz cldn't .. i was forcing myself all along.. i feel so fake whenever i show care n concern for the person.. y y.. i want to love her .. but HOW!! n i don feel worried for the person neither .. y am i so heartless.. probably i'm juz a person tt people dislike .. but wad can i do .. i tried my best to care for the people ard me ..

although sometimes i am irritating .. too straight forward .. i really try 8:19 PM

so tired... eyebags have grown again.. having CA1 now.. tried my v best for the 1st paper n now revising for my second paper.. so sian.. lost the drive to study.. eating snake now.. i need motivation !! help!!

not only me.. ros is having a tough time too.. jia you ros!!

sian.. JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU.. THREE MORE PAPER TO GO.. hiaz.. all i don understand 5:36 PM

spoiled ..
pampered by my parents.. providing so many things for me

stupid ..
studied for my modules for a day but got 51.. so nice of teacher helping me to add 2 marks

useless ..
try to get a job but still not in a job yet..

lousy ..
everytime sings, frenz ran away, dog walk away, bird bite me.. so sad 8:45 PM

12:17 AM


11:48 AM

went to ktv with the bunch of ah siao... haha.. thanx jessie... coz of her WE RULED KBOX...wahahahaha... hmmm.... idiotic hwee.. u've improved on singing yea... hehe.. don really feel like praising... hehe.. kidding.. did not went home like for more than 24hrs.. hmmm.. my mum wasn't very happy... 8:28 PM

i've been tagged by yunting!!! Tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their PERFECT lovers.Tag 4 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged.

My dream guy ..
1 ~ those nice nice guys (guai guai type)
2 ~ must know what he wants in future, cannot be those lazy type who don't study or work
3 ~ slightly more mature than me
4 ~ loves me a lot
5 ~ really cares for me
6 ~ knows how to react to situations correctly
7 ~ Gentleman
8 ~ i don mind Da Nan Ren Zhu Yi(but cannot be a selfish jerk)
but will i able to find one .. hmmm

the next four victims.... will be... jessie .. meimei.. hehe.. meiling.. n...... yani:) 6:02 PM

Thursday .. juz came back from skool... only 2hrs of lecture tdy... was suppose to reach skool at 9am... but woke up at 9am... i actually set my alarm at 7.30.. but dunno how n don remember how i end up waking up at 9am..

i was like .. huh .. 7o'clock's so bright .. den saw the clock .. wad the .. 9AM!!!!

grabbed any clothes tt i reached, rushed to the toilet n managed to prepare and get out of my hse at 9.15.. li hai huh .. i think so.. cause i usually need at least 1/2hr and max 1hr 15min (for skool) to prepare..

rushed to the bus stop n reached skool at around 10.15am.. don intend to go in.. but ronald msged me n say that they still have like 1/2 more chapter to go, so i went in .. totally dunno wad e module's about lo..

went back to ITE bishan with ros after lecture.. to collect my cert .. den had our lunch there.. we ate grilled fish.. i used to eat during ite time, with juice .. n we also shared a cheezee hotdog *YUM YUM*.. hehe

hmmm... actually y i intend to update my blog was not b'coz of all these.. i'm v sad.. n i don feel that i can turn to any1.. juz hope to see my siaosiao group again.. all these tt r bothering me usually goes off when i meet them :).. their craps always help me to forget the situations i'm in.. gonna meet them tml nite.. hope this kind of friendship, chemistry or concern we have for one another will last.. will be kinda sad if it gone..
HEY GUYS .. i think this is the nicest group of frenz i ever had :) love u guys.. 2:00 PM

sunday oredy... tml need to go to skool .. so sian..

juz came back from joel's house, slept n woke up.. we, this bunch of ah siao stayed overnight again.. haha.. i have boyfriend radi lei.. show u his picture .. WAHAHAHAHA... v handsome rite...

this would be the last day we meet up... we shall hardly meet radi.. got so many pics haven taken from them so can't upload yet.. shall upload lata

oh ya.. joel's house so comfortable.. so big n clean.. jealous.. hehe.. hwee's house eh.. bit small.. bok's house hmm... bit untidy.. hehe.. but .. hey guys .. really thanx for letting us to stay overnight.. n also the food.. breakfast, dinner, icecream... 5:20 PM



Did not went out with my ndp frenz since like feb2006.. we went out again..! we were like met up for almost this whole wk n slept at chinhwee's hse 2 times... hehe.. slept with a bunch of ah siaos.. so squeeezie... room like a storeroom..

when do we start meeting up again.. hmmm... i think it started on chinhwee's b'day.. haiz.. i became one of the ah siao again.. i'ld always become ahsiao when i meet them... haha

had lotza lotza fun with them... they have a lot of stupid craps .. dunno where did they mastered all those craps.. hmm... there were some misunderstandings but solved ..

although we met up for almost everyday n i guess everyone had enjoyed.. this may be the last wk.. coz skool's reopening next wk.. everyone wld be busy again.. n we'ld hardly meet up radi.. n hmmm... we might have a new couple.. hehe

i always acted like ah siao.. sometimes i'm afraid tt my frenx finds me irritating.. hmm.. try to control .. hehe.. 9:56 AM

how do i judge true frenz... i used had this bunch of frenz .. we used to be v close .. hanging out almost everyday.. having fun together.. but we did not contact for a period due to a lot of changes.. some went to ns.. poly.. n some started working..

we contact again recently.. coz skool holiday has started n ns is not that tite radi.. but..

one of the closest person that i am with kinda like changed.. we used to be v close n chatted a lot of stuff.. but nw he's like making fun of me in the sense of playing me instead of playing with me.. i felt humiliated n don feel fun..

i tried to hint them to let them know that i don like it.. but they juz hate the way i reacted.. but so am i.. 12:06 AM


went to ktv at clementi with my cemta's frenz last friday... was an very enjoyable time.. a very fun time.. juz so pity that i did not have v good mood to enjoy.. or it'll gonna be another great time.. anyway.. at least i'm able to feel that it was suppose to be an enjoyable time.. haha.. stupid sentence rite.. i also dunno wad am i crapping..




look at the pics above .. i've taught michelle how to make ugly faces.. haha.. she've mastered.. yeah!!! HAHAHA 8:08 PM


last sunday was my last lesson with them... no more cemta... no more busy sunday... sad... so sudden... bu she de them... we juz got closer during the cemta performance and the next lesson was the end.. so so so sudden... sob sob .. 12:47 AM

-=shi.yin=-
-=a.manda=-
-=21=-
-=female=-
-=dec1`1986=-
=+singing!+=
=+gymnastic+=
=+my.siao.siao.group+=
=+roslinda.karyen+=
=+my.little.coco+=
=+rich.shuai.ge+=
=+i.luv.mama.papa+=

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