maybe,
being not exactly very xinfu is not that bad...
it gives us an excuse to leave to find xinfu,
allows us to have new choices...

and when we leave and realise that we do not have to go through all those... we will be able to feel xinfu and may be less complacent...
and perhaps then, we will not be unable to feel the presence of xinfu for we've been through sufferings and may even treasure it better.. 1:55 PM

1:02 AM

i'm feeling so sick about myself... super super sick.. just outta control.. i hate myself hate hate hate!! i hate everything... i don wish to treat u this way... i'm really sorry really... but i feel that i will hate anything but i will not hate u and coco also..

my fren asked, is he treating me good.. i will say he is not good, he hurts people occasionally, and would see nothing's wrong about it... but i will still feel he is great.. coz he is trying and he would not do big things for me (big things in the eyes of others), but he will do small things (in the eyes of others) for me and to me, all these things are big... i could feel how real are the things he is doing, i love him, but this sickening me is making him suffering... Arghhhh... bloody amanda 1:13 PM

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